MY CHURCH PET PEEVE...

I have a pet peeve that I feel the need to mention. I know I'm not alone because I've actually met other Evangelicals who have experienced this.

First I would like to place a memory in here for my boys so that in the future, when they read this, they do not confuse the rant to follow as something they should actually put into practice. It is a rant and should be consumed with that knowledge.

First Here is my memory:

A memory I hold dear to my heart is one of a preacher who I really liked. (Pastor Howard Wilson) He came to my job to buy something to fix the church a bit and said something to the effect that he didn't see me in church last Sunday. Being that he was a nice guy and did talk to me other than just to ask this question I said with a smile, "Yeah, that's because I wasn't there." He smiled too and said something like, "Well I hope everything is alright." I don't know why, maybe because I'm me and like to tell the truth I said with a halfway embarrassed squinty nose , "I just didn't feel like coming." To which he laughed openly. It became apparent that no one had ever actually said that to him. I then said,"Do you ever feel like that?" He gave a sideways grin, paid for his merchandise and said, "That, my dear, is something I'll never admit to." "Oh that's right!" I said, laughing at that point "You get paid to be there!" He turned with a loud laugh and walked out cracking up.

Now this is the same pastor who roped me into being the central and only secretary for the entire disaster relief efforts for our town when the flood came through and devastated so many homes and uprooted so many families. I have to think that honesty is the best policy since he respected me enough to entrust that responsibility to me after that conversation had taken place. :-)

Now on to my Pet Peeve and Random Rant for the day...

One thing that annoys the crap out of me is when I and my family arrive at church and some random person comes up to us to say,

"Why weren't you at church the other day...last week...last night..."

Whatever the case may be.

OR

"We really missed you at church the other day...last week...last night..."

Then they look at you with the silent look of fake worry trying to prompt you into divulging the reason for your shameful church absence.

Did they really miss me? Did they really miss us that much? Aren't they really asking where we were? At least those who ask where we were are getting to the point. They are nosey and they don't care that we know they are nosey.

I've so often wanted to say something like...

"Well Janet I had to get some hemorrhoids removed and I just couldn't sit in the pew that day."
or
"Well Pete I had a hot date with my lover and just couldn't make it to church." *wink*

(Mom, I didn't actually say or do these things so don't faint!)

Now why would I really want to say these things? Because they are being so NOSEY! What if those were the reasons? What if there was some very embarrassing reason and you had to just stand there and make up a lie because they are so NOSEY!?

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about your buddy who you usually sit with or your friend who would have liked to go to the ballgame with you. I'm talking about church acquaintances who mention this ridiculous comment because what they really mean is...

"I was at church and because I was at church, I noticed that you were NOT so I want to mention it to you in person, even though I would otherwise never talk to you. I have to ask this of you because you didn't get to see that I was in church, so I want you to know that I was in church and that you were NOT because I am now just that much closer to Heaven than you are because I was there and you were NOT there to see how holy I am because you are NOT."

Yes, I have a tad bid of unimaginable irritation built up. It must be from my childhood. I would see people, who would otherwise not give me the time of day, come to meet me at the church door just to ask that ever so unassuming question. I cringed as they came down the isle with that concerned look on their face. I could have just kicked them in the shin.

I wish I were the person I am now...that would have been a hoot!

Yep, that is a big time pet peeve of mine, to the point that I've named the affliction that these people suffer from.

It's called,

"I've become arrogant in my Christianity-itis" It affects those Christians who have become so sure that they know all there is to know about their religion that they have widened their judgement net to encompass those who are actually OF their same religious faith."

Gotta be the top of the heap there I suppose.

If you recognise yourself in this rant please put this clue in your pocket.
If you have never been invited to the person's home. Don't ask them why they weren't at church.
If you were only invited with a group of people. Don't ask them why they weren't at church.
If you think people need a reason to miss church. Don't ask people why they weren't at church because..

1. You may not like the answer.
2. If they had an emergency or tragic event and you don't know by now then it's none of your business.
3. You're being a busy body.

Instead you could say, "Hi there friend. I was thinking of you the other day and would really like to go to Starbucks to hang out sometime with you. " or "Hi there buddy, I was JUST thinking about you yesterday and was wondering if you would like to come over to hang out sometime."

If you don't feel like you can do that then BACK OFF! If you can do that and they say no then there's your answer. If they say yes, you are well on your way to connecting with a new friend.

(That's my rant)

THE DEFINITION OF HOMESCHOOLING or AFTERSCHOOLING IS NOT HOMESCHOOLING! (Please! Get it right!)

A friend told me recently that she is "homeschooling" her children after school. She told me they are doing something called "Afterschooling." I was taken aback by this revelation and believed her to be very confused.


Two weeks later, I was told by another parent, that they "homeschool during the summer." I gasped inside and probably, inadvertently, gave quite the scowl and indignant look.


I tried to recover my usual relaxed emotional state, however their comments....the very idea that they could even THINK that they are homeschooling...is beyond my ability to grasp. Their idea of what homeschooling is, is so flawed that I realized quite quickly that a definition for homeschooling is not only needed, it is demanded! I am here to set the record straight!

We don't "Do" Homeschool. We ARE Homeschoolers. Our children ARE homeschooled! Homeschooling is NOT done...It is Lived!!

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I will tell you right now that what those two parents are doing doesn't even belong in the same zip code as homeschooling. They may wish they were homeschoolers, but the reality is that they are not.


Is a homeschooler educated at home? Yes. Are all people who learn at home, homeschoolers? No. Because, homeschooling is a lifestyle.


HOMESCHOOLING: HOMESCHOOL: HOME SCHOOL:

Dictionary.com meaning: to teach one's children at home instead of sending them to school.

This is a nice beginning description but I must elaborate on this condensed, sterile definition.

Homeschooling is not only the act of teaching our child at home, but about the responsibilities parents and their family accept when we do not send them to a traditional school. We live a very different life than those who choose the traditional road. It begins with the choice to brave the legal hurtles and continues through the tears of worry and the triumphs of success. Homeschooling is about the road the entire family is traveling. We, as a Homeschooling Family, accepted the reality of our choices and live with the good, bad and the ugly that result from that choice.


There are some (not all) parents who blame the public school system when their child fails in a subject. There are some parents who take all the credit when their child succeeds. Homeschooling parents have only ourselves to blame either way.

We have the full weight of all the successes and failures on our shoulders; no matter what. ALL homeschooling parents have to carry this load. All of us. We can’t in any way, shape or form, be let off the hook. We are scrutinized more and judged more often than those who send their children to school. That is the lifestyle of a homeschooler.

The idea that my mother “homeschooled” me when she helped me with my homework is laughable, but there are some who believe that every parent who helps their child with homework is homeschooling. However, their children, unlike their wishful thinking parents, know whether they are homeschooled children or public/private schooled children.  If someone were to ask the kids where they go to school they would say, Roosevelt or wherever. A traditionally educated child knows they have to go to school, sit, learn, then come home and sit, learn more. 


To them, “homeschooling” may be a pain in the hiney because it’s above and beyond their “other” schooling lives.  It is supplemental to their “real” education. “Real” meaning the day long life they lead away from home; the reality of their educational lives. Until the child is actually homeschooled they know they are actually Public Schooled children or Private Schooled children. They live it. They are being educated at school and enduring yet more forced work as a "supplemental" education at home.

I can see how the idea of homeschooling full time would make some parents uneasy. I’ve been there. I’m thinking that maybe these baby steps are how they allow themselves to warm up to the idea of actually jumping into the home education world. It’s a process of sorts like…Maybe if they say to themselves, “Ah, see, I’m homeschooling right now as I help with homework so maybe I can teach a subject.” Then they buy a bible class or history curriculum and teach that after homework and say to themselves, “See now I’m actually teaching from a book so maybe I can go on and think about taking the kids out of school” Then they think, “ Oh my goodness, no I can’t do that, that’s crazy so maybe I’ll just do it during the summer” and then they see that they can do it during the summer so one day they all of the sudden feel empowered and jump! Voila! Process Complete!

All of those ways allow the parent to “homeschool” gently (in their mind) in their home while coming to terms with whether they are capable (in their minds) of homeschooling full time. I understand the want and even the need to say the words, “I’m homeschooling.” It becomes a familiar word that the parent can “own” so they can eventually create the reality in their home. However, while they may indeed be on the road to homeschooling, they are NOT a homeschooling family or even homeschooling at all.


In those instances the family is "playing house" if you will. They are pretending to homeschool. They are hoping to homeschool. They are going through the motions of the mechanics of homeschooing but they are not yet homeschooling. They don't know what it means, how it feels or how they will be treated when they ARE homeschooling. They won't know until they ARE a homeschooling family.
 
Are "afterschoolers" learning at home? Yes. Are they “Homeschooled Children?” No. They are Public or Private schooled children who have parents teaching them above and beyond their traditional schooling. Their parents are educating them, as any parent should, but they are not homeschooling. They are teaching them, reading to them, helping their children along with their lives. They are parenting. They are helping to supplement the education they've chosen for their children. That's it. That is a beautiful family choice and great parenting, but they are not homeschoolers and they are not homeschooling.

The difference between a homeschooler and a private/public educated child is that homeschooled children are living a different life than the average bear.  Homeschooled children are living their lives outside of an institutional setting. They do not sit in classrooms with a group of children and learn from a teacher. Homeschoolers learn at home, all the time….whether physically at home or on various outings…they are home. 


Their lives are completely different than a traditionally educated child. A homeschooled child knows that their lives are very, very different than a public/private schooled child. If you ask a homeschooler where they go to school they will say, "I AM homeschooled." They won't say, I homeschool! They ARE homeschoolers. Homeschooling is so much more than being tutored. It is more than having a parent sit with their child to teach. Parents who do this are wonderful parents…but they are not homeschooling parents. 


Homeschooling is about our lives as a family unit being untouched by the confines of those that would impose their rules on our family. We are able to move freely through our lives without checking our calendar to meet an institution time-table.  Homeschooling is a pronouncement of difference, acceptance and pride. Homeschooling is freedom! 


For a parent to say they are a homeschooler or are homeschooling, when they are sending their children to private or public school is unsettling to those of us who live the lifestyle because they are assuming that homeschooling is something that is done.They assume that our lives are not very different when, in fact, our lives are so very different. I am not saying we are better. I am, however, saying we are different. It is respectful to acknowledge that fact. 


We are educating our children, full time, without a safety net handily in place each day. We took on the responsibility and we deserve to claim the name of Homeschooler! We will NOT give that name to every parent who opens a book and reads to their child. We are so much more than that! We do that AND everything the school does for those wishful thinking parents. Until you do it ALL, you are NOT homeschooling...you are parenting.  Please, Acknowledge the difference.

Homeschooling is not done. It is lived!

RANT!! VIDEO GAME MOMS! HIDE NO MORE!

I must first say that this is my blog, a diary of sorts, and I post my feelings plainly. THIS IS A LOOOOONNNNGGG RANT!

Please be warned because I am really annoyed at this present time.

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This is for all the moms out there who embrace video games for their children; For all of those women hiding in the shadows afraid to speak up; For Women Who Have to explain and defend their parenting to those who devalue our choice to embrace the games for your children.

BE NOT AFRAID!! THERE ARE OTHER WONDERFUL PARENTS JUST LIKE YOU! :-)
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Most parents want what is best for their children. Most parents really do.
But more and more I'm finding that some parents, usually "newish" parents, want to jump on some sort of crazy bandwagon to tout their notions about parenting so that "the rest of the parents" will oooo and aahhh over their wizened choices.

How annoying!

Most of the time, I've noticed, those parents are the ones who are imposing some sort of limitation on their children, for no good reason other than, Because They Can or Fear or Because they've heard it is the right thing to do.

That, to me, is ignorance in action.

I was reading some posts recently, on a nationwide group site, that really irritated the snot out of me. A mother of 2 sons, ages 8 and 4, stated proudly that video games are off limits in their home and that she only allows 30 minutes of computer time in their home per day. She whipped out the name of some book as her valuable tool of knowledge. There were all sorts of positive replies from other mothers of young children stating they too will have none of that "non-sense" in their homes.

I suppose since I've actually had experience raising children past the age of 8 years old I have some sort of "Hindsight is 20/20" perspective but that doesn't make the imbecilic posts any less abrasive.

As my heart began to beat faster I relied on my breathing to lower my blood pressure. I have to ask myself, "Shelly, why are you so very upset about this?"

I mean I am mad! I don't get bothered about other parenting styles too often so why is this an issue of such importance to me? Let me tell you, I could have just jumped through the screen to slap some sense into these women.

I think it was the tone. I could just see their snotty little blond tipped heads as they implied that "those" parents who let their children play video games day in and day out are ignorant, uninformed and allowing their children to become fat, addicted, dead heads.

I'm nearly positive that were one of my children to go over to their home and begin talking about his latest game they would look over at their spouse with an all knowing glance as if to say,
"That child is one of "those" kids. I can't wait to tell Marsha at the next PTO meeting."

Well I'm sick and tired of listening to this crap! These are MY children they are referring to in their posts!

I'm Creating My Own Bandwagon....one with some experience behind it.

(Disclaimer To my good friends who limit video games. I am speaking to those judgmental little snots of parents who have that better than thou, condescending tone. I am going to rant at them. Please know I am very judgmental in this rant because I feel the need to respond or I'm going to explode. The post I tried to send on that site was denied. All they were allowing through were the "against gaming" comments soooo...Please take this as the rant it is intended to be. However, if you also believe I am a bad parents for allowing video gaming to ad nauseum at our home, I'm sorry to say that this is also directed toward your views also. Hey! Turn about is fair play! :o)

Now look, I understand that, in today's world, when they say their children are computer free and video game free it somehow makes that mother feel like she has jumped onto the "I'm raising my kids the right way" band wagon. They've probably bought into the myth that video games make kids fat or that they have too many blinking lights that cause ADD or whatever the case may be. Too bad they won't read the facts! Or look at the picture of the TOP video gamers in the world. Guess what, they're THIN! (that's Walshy and his crew)

Maybe they want accolades from others or whatever, but this sort of self indulgent thinking can really inhibit their children from achieving their full potential in our modern world.

"Modern World" I know that is a buzz word. Some parents want to shelter their children from the Modern World. They want to keep them held back to the time of horse and buggy when civilization was simpler or they at least want to hold their children back to the days of Pacman so they, as parents, can actually understand the games. However, unless they are planning to raise them in a commune or as an Amish person they are sorely kidding themselves.

Let's give up the fantasy, shall we? Our child will grow up very soon and probably need to work in this modern world. I don't care how many gardens we plant or how well we teach them to recycle and can foods, they'll still need to live in the modern world so give up the "no technology" fantasy. Wake up! We aren't raising children we are raising adults!

Now, if these "No Gaming Technology" type mothers haven't been duped into thinking that games make kids fat or ill, then they must just get a sick thrill out of enforcing rules that limit their children. Maybe they just want to "show them who's boss." They must just get a kick out of announcing that power to others and generating moot discussions about the right way to raise children. Yes "moot" because they are usually speaking with like minded parents who will give them all sorts of validation.

I, however, (in my most self affirming, prideful voice) do not like to limit, inhibit, or deny my children their full potential in any way. I don't like to jump on bandwagons. Knee jerk reactions can cause harm. Give me facts...Thank You Very Much!

I try to limit my children only when they are indeed in danger. Like say, ohh...geeze...what do I limit? Ummm... well...

Okay..I just asked Kazz because I couldn't think of any limitations I impose on my children.

He came up with three.

1. I wouldn't allow Kazz, at ages 14-16, to be alone with girls. Reason: Self Explanatory

2. I won't let our boys ride around the neighborhood will- nilly. They have to tell me right where they are going and then come right back. Reason: Predators, Rule #1, and we live in Detroit for crying out loud!

3. I don't allow disrespect to me, to other adults or toward anyone. No eye rolling, backtalk or sighing in disgust. Reason: People who are a respectful command respect in return. This translates into happier marriages and better boss/employee relationships. Win/Win situations.

When I'm not limiting my children's world I am challenging conventional wisdom. I have a hard time following dogmatic parenting or rigid parenting styles. One thing in particular that really gives me that prickly sensation on the back of my neck is hearing popular parenting myths propagated as fact and witnessing the, "you are absolutely right" affirming responses when they don't know what the heck they are talking about!

So when I read all the posts from parents who deny their children technology, not only did that familiar prickly sensation arise but I was overcome with an understanding that these well meaning (hopefully) parents were limiting their children's potential...Period.

"Why in the world would a parent WANT to limit learning experiences for their children?!" I ask.

"Learning?" you say with an eye rolling laugh. "Well, they will just have to learn outside! You're limiting them by allowing them to play games all day!" you say.

Guess what... You're not only assuming that video games are bad or hurtful you have gone the extra mile to Deny, Preach, Restrict and Curb a wonderful blessing your children could be using as part of their growth and development.

"We have enough books to off-set that situation!" You say
Guess what...Books are NOT the best way to learn anymore. Are they fun? Yes, for some people. But are they better? No! Textbooks are borrrinnnng! I dare say that they are one of the main reasons why Public Education is failing. The "time tested" textbook system has failed and in this era, they are nice to have, but not what it takes to succeed in the technological world.

"Oh you are wrong! It's because of those stupid games that books are dying out!" You say?

Yes, technology is pushing out the textbook. Laptops and Kindle are taking over. That only strengthens my argument! What's the first thing college students do these days when taking a new course? They go to the first class to see if they need to buy the book! And what's more,
the first thing most people do when they want to find the answer to a burning question is look it up....on the INTERNET!

Technology is here to stay, just like Rock and Roll. Get used to it or become one of those frumpy old farts from the "Ban Rock and Roll" era. That, my friend, is how your children will remember you if you don't stop this nonsense now.



If you truly want your children to grow into well rounded adults who are FULLY capable in the world they must live in, then teach them to garden, read, recycle, build a clubhouse AND type, use computer programs, look up things on the Internet and PLAY with technology. Let them PLAY!!

Video Gaming is a valuable tool for learning. Limiting video games and computer time ranks right up there with the book burnings of years ago! These limiters, these parents, are book burning!

If you want to give them knowledge, buy them a computer! Buy them Video Games systems!

Limit, Restrict, Reduce, Censor, Deny...These are words that those mothers are PROUD to say!

Good Grief!

I've had some experience with Video games and television and music and cell phones.
We have PlayStation 1 and PlayStation2. We have the X-box and the X-box 360. Every one of our children have their own computer. We also have 4 cell phones, and 4 televisions.
Excess? Is it excess when schools buy new books, computers, games? Is it excess when a homeschooling parent buys new curriculum every year or $50 worth of books every month from Amazon or eBay? We're homeschoolers! These are learning tools!

Instead of buying curriculum to death, we buy technology that actually works and gives us ALL of those books and more!

If children are not learning to type, use computer programs and understand technology, THEY ARE BEHIND and will have a TOUGH time finding a job when they are adults!! Used vehicles, an affordable home and budgeting have allowed us to offer these tools to our children. We are very blessed to have them.

Count how many years it will be before your children turn 16 years old. That is how long you have to teach them to use technology before they get a job at McDonalds and have to use the screen to take orders. If they get a better job, the will need better skills.

Technology is not to be limited to help children...It is to be USED to help them! Video games and computers are wonderful learning instruments that enhance our children's lives and BETTER prepare them for the future they HAVE to live!

Yes, it is true. My husband and I have allowed our children to experience technology, unhindered by time restrictions. THIS is our blessing to them.

Yes my friend! I am NOT AFRAID TO LET THEM PLAY!

I see my children sitting for days on end trying to master a portion of a game. I see them, with their red eyes, studying the game, planning strategies, sitting, scrutinizing, sometimes day after day until the task has been accomplished.

Brian and I encourage it!

"Why your children must be stupid, slackers who are fat and ignorant." You say.

Why my children are physically active, well rounded, intelligent, social, laughing, joke telling, fun loving little rascals. I have football playing, foil fencing, Science loving, friend hanging out with, tree climbing, 8 hour a day video playing boys in our home. When Kazz was 14 year old he probably played video games and computer games more than that!

"They're damaged and you don't even know it!" you say.

Kazz, the hours on end video gamer, just turned 17 this month. He will graduate from college with an Associate of Business degree this year. He has a 3.4 gpa, has been on the Dean's list and still "plays" video games and is on his laptop hours and hours a day.

Our 12 year old learned to read playing video games. He learned to type so he could play online. He's also well on his way to going to college at the age of fourteen.

Our 9 year old largely learned to read and type playing video games also. He can tell the best stories and communicate beyond belief.

They also happen to be the best front flipping, back flipping, trampoline crazy antics initiators on the planet.

"Why they will become recluses!" You say.

There have been upwards of 10 children, teens, and adults alike in our backyard playing video games on our back porch. If anything video games promote sharing, friendships and bonding.

Video game playing has introduced our children to computer technology. Technology that is here to stay. Video Games have introduced and given our children practice in following directions. They have learned how to scrutinize and practice problem solving and logic. Games have also given our children practice in the use of their fine motor and spatial skills. They have, very often been quite a fun tool for Brian and I to bond and play with our children also.

Technology Limiting parent really need to rethink their attitude about Video Games. Their ignorance could truly hinder the development of their children's future.

I, however, will not jump on that video game denying band wagon.
I will not be a part of information denial.
I will not impose restrictions on my children's interests.
I will allow them to grow, learn, experience and have a great deal of fun while achieving those goals.
I will allow them to learn!

LEARN I SAY!

Oh and I forgot one important thing about games, they are also entertaining and fun!

"BUT they need to develop their imagination! The only way to do that is through playing outside and working and chores. The old fashioned, no electricity kind of way."

As I count the many stories my children have written about games, characters and strategy, it is hard for me to even give that line of thought a moment of my time. I've witnessed backyard plays that were excellently organized to the fullest extent because of ideas fostered from video games.

Old fashioned? Yes, outdoor fun is wonderful. Climbing trees, planting gardens and reading books have a wonderful place in our lives. Here's the rub, I can't remember the last time some parent announced proudly that they are limiting the time their children are allowed to learn, experience, imagine, investigate, interpret and consider....

Oh Wait! THAT IS WHAT THEY ARE SAYING WHEN THEY LIMIT TECHNOLOGY!

Can we just get over the limiting of technology time to our children and include it instead? Let's just "jump ahead"...to the present day please....if for no other reason than I Just Can't Stand To Hear the ridiculous, unproven, CONDESCENDING, ignorance anymore.

I AM NOT AFRAID!

I AM A GOOD PARENT!!

I AM A GREAT PARENT!!!

MY CHILDREN ARE INTELLIGENT, NORMAL, INQUISITIVE, VIDEO GAME LOVING KIDS!

I WILL NOT BOW TO THE CONFORMING "WISDOM" THAT SATURATES THE HERE AND NOW.

I'LL WRAP MY ARMS AROUND THE FUTURE, GIVE IT A BIG HUG AND SAY...

PLAY ON BOYS! PLAY ON!

(Stumbling off my rant box...shewww I feel better)

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GOOD FOR EYESIGHT

USA Today

Shoot em up

The good things

WHO IS THE HEAD OF YOUR HOUSE

IT'S A RANT!!

There are many, many great and loving men out there...Thank God...but let me say...This Rant is for the women who can't say what they are thinking. I've bitten my tongue, many a day, when I've heard men call their wife "the old lady" or when I've heard men talking about their divorce being valid because "she won't clean" or "she didn't even have dinner on the table."
Yep, this one is for them.
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The topic of "who wears the pants in the family" came up at one of our recent Mom's Night Out at Starbucks. Remember that this MNO is comprised of Christian Homeschooling mom's; most of whom do not work outside the home or work part-time.

Everyone talked about the man being the head of their home. I agreed that the man is supposed to be the head of the home. The statement I made that turned a lot of heads was this...

"We are to be a man's helper. He needs to know how to DO everything in his home INCLUDING dishes, laundry and changing diapers and we HELP him throughout our lives as the needs arise." 

At first there was a joint laughter that quickly turned into looks of "Oh Crap! She's serious!"


So I ask you...Am I rewriting rules or am I right?! Here are my thoughts.

The man is the head of the household in a marriage. Women were made to be helpers to men. Gen. 2:18
 
There are many men who go out and work and bring home the money. There are many men who expect their "woman" to have his dinner on the table and the house clean when he gets home. 

I don't disagree with that thought, however here's the rub...

In many households...
 
THE MAN, goes to work in the morning, works hard, comes home, eats, chats, watches some TV, gets laid, goes to bed.

THE WOMAN, gets the kids up in the morning, gets them off to school or teaches them at home, cleans the home, shops for groceries, balances the checkbook, trains/parents the children, helps with homework, deals with the school/curriculum, answers calls, keeps the household calendar of events/family functions, shops for clothes, takes out the trash, mows the grass, goes through the mail, pays bills, returns phone calls, deals with the insurance company, takes children to medical visits, remembers to make appointments for dental, eye and annual medical exams, washes/folds/puts away laundry, services the husband, wipes down the toilet, tub and vanity as she cleans up for bed. She may even wipe down the mirror..then she goes to bed.

In many households...
 
THE MAN, goes to work in the morning, works hard, comes home, eats or makes dinner, chats, watches TV, gets laid and goes to bed.
 
THE WOMAN...place the list for "the woman" in the first scenario here LESS making dinner on some days.

In many households...
 
THE MAN, goes to work in the morning, works hard, comes home, eats or makes dinner, throws in a load of laundry, chats watches TV, gets laid and goes to bed. (he is an awesome husband that women brag about, by the way)

THE WOMAN, place the list for "the woman" in the first scenario here LESS making dinner and a load of laundry BUT ADD works full or part time, takes child to daycare and picks them up, wipes their nose, listens to them cry to and from daycare, gives child a bath, wipes down bathroom floor and wall so people don't slide to their death after the kids bath, services husband, (or gets laid if he's good) goes to bed.

THE POINT IS...

WHO is the helper in most families and who is the head of the household? 

Sure there are those women who say they are "happy" to do the "wifely" duties. It makes them feel "whole" and "complete" to "do this for their husband." 

Let me paraphrase this for those who do not know what those words actually mean...

"I think this is what I'm supposed to do because somewhere along the line a man behind the pulpit said so and my in laws and parents bought into it and I don't know how to change this so I'm making lemonade with the lemons."

The bottom line: Women are not supposed to do it all. We don't have to be slaves just because a man is bringing in the money to our household. We are supposed to be helpers. A man SHOULD know how to run his home...ALL OF IT. 

If he isn't rearing his children, wiping their butts, doing ALL household chores at one time or another then he has NOT mastered his home and cannot be called the master by any means. Remember, we are talking about the HEAD of the household..Head of the family. When he gets a handle on the duties involved with that, he can then claim rights to that title. Until then he's the bread winner. A bread winner is not the Head of anything my friend. A bread winner is a mere laborer at best.

If he can't run the house without his helper, does that make him the head of the house? I'm thinking no. If he has it in his heart to expect his wife to do all of this, what does that say about his "love" for his wife?


I've seen this over and over again. I've heard men talking in my father's businesses throughout my life...when they don't care that little ears can understand too...about their wife who can't cook or their woman who didn't even have food on the table when he got home. I resolved that they do not respect their wives as people. He was hoping to marry a worker, not a wife.


Being a "help meet" is about sharing in responsibility.  During the weeks/months of marriage when a man is working hard and NEEDS his wife to cook and clean, then fine, she can totally do that.  When work gets easier for him and he's able to help around the house, then he should totally do that!  

There are too many women trying to be a "help meet" who have actually become a "help slave."  The woman's self worth is shattered, her life is quickly used up and spit out before she knows what's happened!  

SHE is supposed to be a child of God, not a slave to her "beloved."

Somewhere along the line, some women have become slaves and/or begun using their "help meet" status as some kind of manipulation trick to "get their husbands to love them."  There is never a shortage of men and subservient women to champion the help meet/slave trumpet.  There are many books out there to "help" women get their "heart right" so they can enjoy scrubbing toilets and waiting on their husbands, hand and foot...but I think I'll steer clear of those.  Life is too short to be a slave. 

I prefer being married to a strong man who knows all about his family and home.  I prefer to ask what he needs to be done THIS WEEK (so I can do it for him and our family) rather than submit my entire life to diaper duty and zombie-like, ritual service.  My husband prefers to have a best friend and lover rather than a toy to be guilted into sex out of "duty to his need."  What utter non-sense! 


Let me tell you what, men!  You cook dinner for your wife, or do a load of dishes or fold a pile of laundry and see how fast her clothes fall off.  And if you happen to scrub the bathroom sink, toilet and tub...whoa baby! Hold on, 'cause you're going for a ride!  

Meet eye to eye for 15 minutes each Sunday.  Pray together and ask each other what your needs are for the coming week.  Look into your wife's eyes and tell her that you need her, physically...this week...more than once.  It will get her attention...and give her something to think about during the days ahead. :o) (Here's a little secret guys.  She needs to be needed just as much as you do.  It's when she feels "used" that sex becomes scarce.)

It's not rocket science here, guys.  Respect and love go a long way in a marriage!  If you help your wife around the house...YOUR HOUSE...she will feel your respect.  Men, you were made strong!  You can handle ALL of your household.  She can help you...H.E.L.P....you.  

But, if you're a crappy husband....she can do it without you. (just so you know)

To those women who have been dumped because you weren't "good enough" in your marriage, I want to give you hope. There are real men out there. They do exist. Don't settle for less. You deserve better. 


STEPPING OFF MY SOAP BOX
*Note: I know what the head of a household looks like because I am one of the very blessed women who have one. My hubby is the head of this household and I am so very grateful.

BLUNT RESPONSE TO ONE OF MY COMMENTERS

"The Parenting Cafe" had a few points to make about one of my homeschooling posts recently. The comment was written in such a way that I had to read it, read it again, sleep on it and read it yet again.

Something about the post nagged at me and while I would normally overlook comments that are odd, the fact that she is "The Parenting Cafe" stuck with me. I came back and really READ the comment. I pondered it and have come to the realization that I am not only troubled by it, but very concerned that she will be handing out parenting advice.

Here is the comment and my concerns...(my words are in peach)
-----------------------------------


"I don't homeschool. I am pleased with my children's school. Well, the ones that live with me full time.

My one child lives with his dad. I had to fight the school to make accomadations for him. They wanted to label him as a problem child. They insisted on me medicating a 5 yr old. I wouldn't have. I told them where they could stick it. Instead, I did behavior modification at home and told the teacher what works for him.

(Why is the child living with his dad and not her?)

As far as patience, I don't have the patience to teach him. I don't. I tried homeschooling him and it was a nightmare. We both cried every day and fought.

(When did she try homeschooling? He was 5 years old when they wanted to medicate him. Also, Wasn't she the one who did behavior modification at home so she could tell the teacher what works?)

It took some persistance from me to get the school to realize that not all children are square pegs. Some, all, children are unique and learn in different ways.

(She sent him to school because she couldn't handle him and cried when she had to teach him, but now she has the persistence to tell the school how to handle him and teach him? ...and the term is a "round peg in a square hole.")

He enjoys school and his friends now. He's 3 reading levels ahead and a year ahead in math. I couldn't be prouder.

(He's also living with his father now.)

My other son had a speech delay. I put him in an early childhood program. It was a wonderful program. The school system he is in is very unique for a public school. They don't group all kids into one category. They let children andvance when they are ready. The kids sit at tables and work as a team until 6th grade. They have different level classrooms. The teachers actually love teaching. I'm so happy with the school I refuse to move out of the district.

(If she moved out of the district would she be closer to her other son?)

I think that education is a personal decision. They are your children and who knows them better. If you want to and have the ability to, then home schooling is wonderful. If you send your kids to school then you should be involved and not leave it to the school to educate them completely. As a parent, it is your responsibility as well.

(Why does she think a teacher who does not love her child, can control him and teach him better than she, his mother, who does love him? Why does she think a teacher, who does not love him, will be able to handle him if he is so unruly that she cannot?

I have had so many teachers tell me that one of the major problems in schools is that parents who cannot control their children, will send them to school expecting the establishment to handle the "problem." Then those same parents show up and try to tell the establishment just how to do it when they, themselves cannot. Isn't this exactly what she is doing? How is that good for the son, the teacher, or the students who are affected by this situation?)

No, I probably couldn't teach my children chemsitry. I have enough resources to be able to provide that to them. And it is not a requirement in life to take chemistry. It is a requirement that you can read and write and problem solve. Most of what children learn in school is teaching them problem solving skills. That's what Algebra is. It's more about them being anayltical then being able to figure out 1+1.

(If school is mostly teaching life skills then why is she having to go in and tell the school how to raise her son? They are "trained" and "certified" so why? Because they teach Algebra and analytical thinking?)

I love your answers. I get questions about why I don't medicate my son. Wouldn't it be easier on you if you medicated him. Probably, but that doesn't mean it is good for him. Just because it's easier doesn't mean it's better. And it's not about me. It's about them. Their needs first.

(What they are really asking her is, "If you can't handle your son at home why are you forcing a teacher, with 20 other students, to deal with him when she's at work?"

This "Parenting Expert" is his mother and she goes into tears when she tries to teach him at home at 5 years old. She can't handle him. Why is she expecting a teacher, who does not love him, to deal with the behavior his own mother cannot handle?)

Great post.


---------------------------


I'm glad she thought it was a great post. I certainly didn't get that vibe from her answers. I got a lot of round and round talk. The SAME talk I got from a mother when I taught at private school. She came in to tell us how to handle her ADHD son because she knows him best. She always brought him early and picked him up late. She expected us to move the room and sequester the other children when he needed to bounce off the walls and run around the room but she couldn't handle him herself.

I submit that this is EXACTLY the mentality that is a huge problem in the public school system. The parents are not being parents but are using the system as a glorified babysitter, while they sit back and call shots, point by point, telling the school to "stick it" and touting what they think the school is doing wrong with their child.

This is one big cop out as a parent. In the end they will be the ones who blame the system when little Mikey robs the corner market but take full credit when little Sarah goes to grad school.

Look, Parenting Cafe, I'm not your friend so I can tell you this flat out without beating around the bush.

You can't have it both ways. Either the school system and teachers know what they are doing or they don't. Either you can handle him or you can't. If he is miserable at school and making the teacher and other kids miserable, medicate him. If you are sending him to school because you can't handle him one on one, they sure the heck can't handle him with 20 other students in the room.

I am the bad guy. I know I'm sounding harsh but I lived this. Somewhere out there is a teacher losing her marbles, a classroom full of kids who are nervous wrecks and one little boy who needs help. God, I hope this helps someone somewhere and if I have to be this blunt to do it, So be it.

HE'S GOT MY HAND...AND MY HEART

Cardiogirl has an interesting post up at her blog. She runs a pretty tight ship and I have to say I was much like her back in the day. As I read her post I remembered quite vividly the control I used to have in our home. I was the top-dog mamma and everybody knew it. What follows here is not a put-down of her parenting, but rather a revelation that I received because, in my life, I needed it. I do believe that had I stayed on the same parenting path as I once had been, God would still love me as much, my children would probably have still grown to the loving kids they are now but I would be a mess. Live and let live, I always say, this just happens to be my path.

I am still the top-dog mamma but mamma isn't too bent on having everything so, so anymore. I used to have bedtimes set for the kids and monitor their television viewing, game playing and time in the sun. I used to monitor everything actually.

"Shut-Up" was a bad word in our home growing up so it was a "bad word" in this home too. I used to think children who used those words were spoiled brats and I wouldn't let my little Kazz and Brisan associate with "those" kind of children. I used to think teens who wore headphones and texted their friends were socially inept. I USED to think a lot of things.

Then one day my heart quit working properly right in the middle of the afternoon on a bright summer day. The electrical relay in my heart was all jumbled and by all accounts I should have died that day. That experience, the surgery there-after, the stint I spent in the ICU and missing my eldest son's 11th birthday, did something to me that changed my life for the better. It snapped my hiney into reality real quick. Now I know that just letting life happen can be the most freeing thing anyone could ever do in their lives.

Life is too dog gone short to make up all of those crazy rules that I used to impose on my kids. Life is just too dog-gone short, period. It turns out that life is sloppy. Kids screw up. Our family is not going to be perfect no matter how many rules I impose on the kids and the perfect Jones family across the street, or on the other side of the tracks, has just as many skeletons in their closet as the next person.

I let go of all that baggage I held so closely to all those years. Now, I let emotions fly, the kids ramble on, arguments play out between the boys until one of the kids give up, televisions play in their bedrooms all hours of the night, laughter well up and spill out loudly, drink spills remain on our counter and smudges on our walls until I feel good and ready to clean them.

I don't get in too much of a hurry anymore and I don't worry about my body mass so much as my love mass. I care about that person who just stalled on the freeway. I REALLY want to stop and help and if the coast is clear and the kids are safe and I CAN stop...I do.

Somewhere between Kazz playing patty-cake with me and him getting his driving permit life took me by the shoulders, shook the snot out of me and woke me the heck up. God gave me a huge gift. He allowed me to let go. He allowed me to forget all the fakers in the world and get real. He took hold of my psyche and gave it just the right nudge so that I can actually not care a flippin' hoot about what other people think about me.

I can now live my life as myself, allow my family to live as they please and if people don't like it, tuff!

A woman recently came to my home and told me that there were people who were talking about me behind my back. She thought I should know that they think I'm the wrong kind of leader for my Christian Homeschooling group. Apparently they don't agree that I should have let our 2nd grader try public school last year.

Much to her surprise, as she spouted this "huge" information, I began to laugh uncontrollably. Her perplexed look made my laughter worse and I honestly couldn't grab hold of myself. I think the glee that came about was because her words didn't even phase me. I had to finally get myself together enough to explain to her just why I was laughing. I thanked her for her "help." I then said, "I cannot begin to tell you how much I do not care what "other" people think of me."

Her jaw dropped. She said, "Really?" I just smiled and said, "Yep. Don't care one iota. Whatever will be, will be my friend." She sat there for a moment, probably wondering if she should tell me the rest of their concerns or let it be...she then just said, "Really?"

I snorted! I laughed. I just snorted and laughed! LOL

Well, She chit chatted a bit more and left. Honestly, I think I may have offended her! Oh well, the truth is...life is too darn short for the small stuff. Who cares if "they" think I'm Christian enough or if "they" think I should be a more staunch homeschooler. "They" don't live my life. "They" think too much! "THEY" are precisely the reason our family quit going to church after my heart troubles!

BUT THAT IS ANOTHER POST FOR ANOTHER DAY!!

As for the here and now...I've got God holding my hand, I've go my family close to my heart, I've got my health, I've got true love...

What more could I ask for? *sigh*

God is so good.

I KNOW I'M BEING RIPPED OFF!!

It's official! This sign may very well be the next step.

Please do not tell me that the price of gas is great here in America compared to other countries. No It Is NOT!

In Venezuela it's 12 cents a gallon! In Saudi Arabia it's 45 cents!! WHY are we paying so much!?!

Do we NOT buy more oil than most of those countries combined? We SHOULD have lower prices! Period!

My tipping point was seeing the OVER $4.00 per GALLON gas price on Gratiot avenue!!




I'm officially ticked!

I am not FOOLED!

I KNOW that gas should be around $1.99 and anything above that is a rip off.

The prices can be over that for many years to come and I WILL NOT become accustomed to it! I WILL NOT think $2.50 is cheap just because I've been crooked for so many years.

I WILL KNOW that I AM STILL being ripped off...

and I KNOW I am not the only one who is smart enough to figure this out!

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! $4.00!!

TO HOMESCHOOL HATERS AND THE LIKE

TO HOMESCHOOL HATERS AND OTHER "WELL INTENDED" DEAD FISH

1 Please stop asking us if it's legal. If it is - and it is - it's
insulting to imply that we're criminals. And if we were criminals,
would we admit it?

2 Learn what the words "socialize" and "socialization" mean, and use
the one you really mean instead of mixing them up the way you do now.
Socializing means hanging out with other people for fun. Socialization
means having acquired the skills necessary to do so successfully and
pleasantly. If you're talking to me and my kids, that means that we do
in fact go outside now and then to visit the other human beings on the
planet, and you can safely assume that we've got a decent grasp of
both concepts.

3 Quit interrupting my kid at her dance lesson, scout meeting, choir
practice, baseball game, art class, field trip, park day, music class,
4H club, or soccer lesson to ask her if as a homeschooler she ever
gets to socialize.

4 Don't assume that every homeschooler you meet is homeschooling for
the same reasons and in the same way as that one homeschooler you know.

5 If that homeschooler you know is actually someone you saw on TV,
either on the news or on a "reality" show, the above goes double.

6 Please stop telling us horror stories about the homeschoolers you
know, know of, or think you might know who ruined their lives by
homeschooling. You're probably the same little bluebird of happiness
whose hobby is running up to pregnant women and inducing premature
labor by telling them every ghastly birth story you've ever heard. We
all hate you, so please go away.

7 We don't look horrified and start quizzing your kids when we hear
they're in public school. Please stop drilling our children like
potential oil fields to see if we're doing what you consider an
adequate job of homeschooling.

8 Stop assuming all homeschoolers are religious.

9 Stop assuming that if we're religious, we must be homeschooling for
religious reasons.

10 We didn't go through all the reading, learning, thinking, weighing
of options, experimenting, and worrying that goes into homeschooling
just to annoy you. Really. This was a deeply personal decision,
tailored to the specifics of our family. Stop taking the bare fact of
our being homeschoolers as either an affront or a judgment about your
own educational decisions.

11 Please stop questioning my competency and demanding to see my
credentials. I didn't have to complete a course in catering to
successfully cook dinner for my family; I don't need a degree in
teaching to educate my children. If spending at least twelve years in
the kind of chew-it-up-and-spit-it-out educational facility we call
public school left me with so little information in my memory banks
that I can't teach the basics of an elementary education to my nearest
and dearest, maybe there's a reason I'm so reluctant to send my child
to school.

12 If my kid's only six and you ask me with a straight face how I can
possibly teach him what he'd learn in school, please understand that
you're calling me an idiot. Don't act shocked if I decide to respond
in kind.

13 Stop assuming that because the word "home" is right there in
"homeschool," we never leave the house. We're the ones who go to the
amusement parks, museums, and zoos in the middle of the week and in
the off-season and laugh at you because you have to go on weekends and
holidays when it's crowded and icky.

14 Stop assuming that because the word "school" is right there in
homeschool, we must sit around at a desk for six or eight hours every
day, just like your kid does. Even if we're into the "school" side of
education - and many of us prefer a more organic approach - we can
burn through a lot of material a lot more efficiently, because we
don't have to gear our lessons to the lowest common denominator.

15 Stop asking, "But what about the Prom?" Even if the idea that my
kid might not be able to indulge in a night of over-hyped, over-priced
revelry was enough to break my heart, plenty of kids who do go to
school don't get to go to the Prom. For all you know, I'm one of them.
I might still be bitter about it. So go be shallow somewhere else.

16 Don't ask my kid if she wouldn't rather go to school unless you
don't mind if I ask your kid if he wouldn't rather stay home and get
some sleep now and then.

17 Stop saying, "Oh, I could never homeschool!" Even if you think it's
some kind of compliment, it sounds more like you're horrified. One of
these days, I won't bother disagreeing with you any more.

18 If you can remember anything from chemistry or calculus class,
you're allowed to ask how we'll teach these subjects to our kids. If
you can't, thank you for the reassurance that we couldn't possibly do
a worse job than your teachers did, and might even do a better one.

19 Stop asking about how hard it must be to be my child's teacher as
well as her parent. I don't see much difference between bossing my kid
around academically and bossing him around the way I do about
everything else.

20 Stop saying that my kid is shy, outgoing, aggressive, anxious,
quiet, boisterous, argumentative, pouty, fidgety, chatty, whiny, or
loud because he's homeschooled. It's not fair that all the kids who go
to school can be as annoying as they want to without being branded as
representative of anything but childhood.

21 Quit assuming that my kid must be some kind of prodigy because
she's homeschooled.

22 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of prodigy because I
homeschool my kids.

23 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of saint because I
homeschool my kids.

24 Stop talking about all the great childhood memories my kids won't
get because they don't go to school, unless you want me to start
asking about all the not-so-great childhood memories you have because
you went to school.

25 Here's a thought: If you can't say something nice about homeschooling, shut up!


source

ON HATING AND/OR SHUNNING HOMOSEXUALS

My friends told me last night that I'm going through a religious existential quest. Some of them think I'm going through a meltdown. I thought that was funny because I THOUGHT I was going through a time of "questioning what I have been taught" but maybe that's the same thing?

Let's see here...

I believe in God. I know Jesus personally. I know what He did for me and that without Him I'm nothing. I am not questioning God's existence. I do enjoy dialogue about why God did this and why God did that but the answers could never shatter my faith. I just know that I know He is my God. That's a certain.

Does that mean I should have all the answers, believe whatever all the other Christians believe and not ask questions that are challenging? Maybe it's that I'm a Christian Homeschool Leader. Does that mean I have all the answers, because I'm a leader?

I certainly hope not because I sure don't.

This is the questions that got me into hot soup last night.

WHY DO WE HATE HOMOSEXUALS BUT LOVE THE GLUTTONS?

"WHAT?!" Came the answer.

MY thinking on the subject is this.

I've been on the "oh my gosh that's so icky" boat. I've been on the "it's in the Bible and it's an abomination before the Lord" boat. Then I started reading the Bible. I saw that there are all sorts of things that are "in the Bible." I saw that Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed just like I had been told. Then I saw ALL the sin that they were committing and that it wasn't just the sin of homosexuality. I thought, well that's why they were destroyed though, because of sexual sin. Then I read a little further and saw that the family that God Himself allowed to live promptly had daughter/father incestuous sex and begot sons from that union.

Ummm...okay...ummmm...I'm 37 and I can think. Why was Sodom and Gomorrah splattered? Sexual sin? Oh no, Homosexual sin? Yes it must be that because incest is a much lesser sin. ummm...no that's not even logical let alone an obvious conclusion... Oh No! I have a question and I'm a Christian and I'm 37!!! HELP!!!

"Homosexuality is a "Bigger" sin than the other sins though, right? I'm not talking about homosexual marriage. I'm talking about just being an open homosexual.

If all sin is equal and no sin shall enter into the kingdom of Heaven then homosexuals are not the heathen, horrible, look the other way sinners we're all making them out to be right?

Well, you know as long as they are "trying to change" and they "know they can't act on their sin."

Right?

Oh crap, I thought again...

Gluttony is "in the Bible" and that is one of the 7 DEADLY SINS! God said that gluttons are debauchees or wasters of their own body. Gluttony is punishable by death...even stoning...in order to remove the evil from our midst!

OH....NO WAY!

Homosexuals and Gluttons are equals.

Homosexuals live in their sin openly.
Gluttons live in their sin openly.

Right?

Here's what is worse.

When gluttons do try to change their sinful life, most of them are trying to change to get healthy and/or sexy.

When Homosexuals try to change they are trying to turn from their sin so they can go to Heaven and be accepted by other Christians.

Who is at greater fault?

Why will we take direction from an openly gluttonous preacher but not an openly gay one?
Why will we let our children hang out at our fat friends home but not our homosexual friends home?

Gluttons are even TEACHING THEIR CHILDREN BY EXAMPLE to harm their temple, to act on that sin and to live in that sin!

Why are homosexual sins greater in the eyes of Christians? Do we hate the homosexual's sin but not the homosexual? If we only hate their sin why do we shun them? Are we being haters?

If shunning them isn't hate then why don't we hate the glutton sin just as much? Why aren't we shunning gluttons and protecting our children from the gluttons?

Deadly Sins
Envy
Lust
Anger
Gluttony
Pride and vanity
Laziness
Sadness

Glutton: (Deuteronomy 21:20), Heb. zolel, from a word meaning "to shake out," "to squander;" and hence one who is prodigal, who wastes his means by indulgence. In Proverbs 23:21, the word means debauchees or wasters of their own body. In 28:7, the word (pl.) is rendered Authorized Version "riotous men;" Revised Version, "gluttonous." Matthew 11:19, Luke 7:34, Greek phagos, given to eating, gluttonous.

Deuteronomy 21:20 and 21
(20)"They shall say to the elders of his city, 'This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey us, he is a glutton and a drunkard. (21)Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death; so you shall remove the evil from your midst, and all Israel will hear of it and fear.

Leviticus 20:13 "If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads."

Aren't we all LIVING in our sin?

Aren't we ALL rationalizing at least one sin in our lives?

What's the HUGE difference?

SHELLY'S PET PEEVE #1

I DON'T KNOW WHY THIS BOTHERS ME BUT IT TOTALLY DOES.

IF A PERSON IS FEELING LIKE THEY ARE GOING TO PUKE AND THEY SAY THEY ARE "NAUSEOUS" I CHUCKLE A LITTLE INSIDE AND THEN HAVE TO BITE MY TONGUE

SO AS NOT TO GO INTO A GRAMMER LESSON.

I ONLY BITE MY TONGUE BECAUSE I AM WELL AWARE THAT WHEN I WRITE THERE ARE MORE RUN-ON SENTENCES THAN MOST PEOPLE CAN BEAR. LOL

WE ALL HAVE OUR ISSUES...

A LESSON IN

NAUSEOUS VS NAUSEATED

Nauseous:
Causing nausea; sickening

Nauseated:
To be feeling, or having been caused to feel nausea.

The next time you are tempted to say "I feel nauseous", understand that you are saying
"I feel like I make other people sick" or "I feel nauseating."

end of lesson.

HARRY POTTER AND ME...

I am a Christian. I believe in Jesus Christ. I love Him and understand fully what He did for me. I grew up in church every Sunday, Wednesday and every revival evening. My parents loved each other very much, were and still are devoted to Christ. I teach my children about God's love and His purpose for our lives. I've given my heart to Christ, asked His forgiveness, think on His sacrifice for me and my family, been baptised in a river and in a baptismal in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Let's see...did I cover all my bases. Oh I have an active prayer life, Gee whiz...I even get bent out of shape when someone uses God in vain. Okay there's my background...

That being said, I'm going to talk about an issue that has been preached from the pulpit as being bad and even "anti-Christian." I'm going to disagree and I'm really not interested in debating the subject. This is being written so my children can see my views about parenting when they are parent's, so they can learn to take all the Bible in it's context and buck the urge to follow the evangelical herd at every whim, so to speak.

I have friends who are in total disagreement with me on this issue so please know that I respect those who follow a different perspective than mine. I am, however, going to get in depth with my thinking and it will be my view, voiced with the force of my conviction. Please know that I've heard and understand the other side of the argument that was voiced to me, by a few, with the same force of conviction.

You guys love me anyway. :-)

Here we go...

______________________

I used to be someone who would listen to a preacher and believe everything he said. Worse yet, I would jump on every bandwagon the church pulled in my directions and chant with the best of them. I protested Proctor and Gamble, I refused the Internet for years, I even burned all my records and tapes.

I learned quite a long time ago that God isn't so fragile, I don't have to jump on every wagon and that Christians don't necessarily believe the same things. I learned that for every scripture someone pulls out of a hat there is a chapter and book of the Bible and a long History to go along with it. Verses mean nothing to me now. The Book is where the Truth lies. Look at the context and who God was talking to in those verses and you may come up with a totally different view.

----------------------

After much thought away from the religious propaganda and political mill I decided without reservation or conviction that

I CAN read Harry Potter and I CAN watch all of the Harry Potter movies.

Guess what! I even let my children read and watch Harry Potter.

There you have it.

There have been many preachers and Christians who condemn these books for their witchcraft and wizardry aspect. They quote scripture such as:

Deuteronomy 18:9-14 When you enter the land the LORD your God is giving you, do not learn to imitate the detestable ways of the nations there. 10 Let no one be found among you who sacrifices his son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, 11 or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the dead. 12 Anyone who does these things is detestable to the LORD, and because of these detestable practices the LORD your God will drive out those nations before you. 13 You must be blameless before the LORD your God. 14 The nations you will dispossess listen to those who practice sorcery or divination. But as for you, the LORD your God has not permitted you to do so.

Now lets read the entire chapter. When I read this what I understand God to be saying is that these crazy things don't even work. He didn't acknowledge them as satanic only that they are an abomination if you are doing these things instead of living for Christ. Now understand that he was trying to get them to put away all their superstitions. These were things that those people were doing instead of living for Christ. They were trying to accomplish all of these things as a religion because they had no other. They were looking for something, it wasn't working, then Christ came and bammo they were able to focus on Him for their life. These superstitions were fruitless things that adults were trying to make into meaningful things. They didn't work so they turned to someone who did work. God.

So does that verse mean we can't watch Harry Potter? Nope. Our kids are not going to go out and live their lives waving wands if they don't work. And guess what...They don't!

This is fantasy. Superman with all his power is fantasy. Spiderman is fantasy. The Lion, Witch and the wardrobe...fantasy, Harry Potter...fantasy!

If someone out there could show me a REAL person who can zap something with a wand and make it fly then maybe I would believe that Harry Potter has some semblance of reality. If I could see someone say some words and mix a potion and actually turn someone into a mouse then I would assess that Harry Potter is real. IF someone could show me anyone at all, anywhere on earth that could actually perform any of the "spells" that are fantasized in Harry Potter I may re-think my choice but until then I do not see how these books in any way could harm any person.

Now granted, you will have your sporadic child who will jump off a roof because Superman can fly. You may have a few who will take a stick (wand) and try to turn their cup to a mouse or fly on a broom because Harry Potter can do these things. But really now! After they realize that whipping a stick around just makes their arm tired they'll stop, though they may have a better imagination for it.

When I was a child I used to watch Bewitched. Bewitched was about magic. I would twinkle my nose and squint with all my might trying to fly or make my toys fly. It was fun. I was no more interested in satan than when I watched cartoons who could fly. I knew some kids in my church who couldn't watch it because it was "satanic." Their parents put a lot of thought into this. Those kids snuck and watched it because it became fascinating to them.

I know a preacher's son who could only listen to certain music and see certain shows and only watch TV at certain hours. He also listened to Rock mixed tapes his friends gave to him, had sex with his girlfriend when his parents weren't home and had the youth group cracking up talking about his sexcapades.

If a child becomes a satan worshiper because they watched Harry Potter they have deeper issues than this book. I don't know one child interested in the occult. I know many, many public schooled children with no religious background and I can tell you that they aren't the least bit interested in satan or any power we as Christians seem to place on him.

Our God is much bigger than satan. This book is but fantasy and fun. The magical world of Hogwarts School is a taste of what the kids wish were reality. Who hasn't wished they could fly or zap someone with a stick? Who hasn't wished they were the captain of the team or the smartest kid in school?

They even get to wrangle and wrestle, Giant Spiders, Werewolves, Giant Trolls, Giant Snakes, Merpeople under the sea, Fire breathing dragons, and a Whomping Willow Tree. They get to set slaves free by using socks for crying out loud. It's the most imaginative, playful, children's story. It beats the Wizard of Oz hands down. Oh My! The Wizard of Oz has a good witch. Can they watch that? Yes! And Mary Poppins and Nanny McPhee and Alladin and Fantasia with the Mickey Mouse wizard...

You Know Why?

It's not real. It's not real in the book and it's not real in well, in Reality. It can never be real. It never was real. It's Not Real!

I can't imagine that Harry Potter would be something that an actual occultist would like. It would have to serve as a "HA HA" to their religion. It's says to them..."Here is your religion if it were real. But guess what...It's NOT!" Ha Ha..

So there you go. An in-depth view of why we really like and enjoy Harry Potter.
You should try it sometime. I think you'd love it! :-)

On Happiness...

Are you happy? Ask yourself this question. "Am I Happy"

If your answer is "No" then when are you planning to be happy? In the near future? How about when you retire and can travel? Maybe when you get that big house or the newer car?

I've been thinking about happiness lately because as much as I've been moaning and groaning about my leg it dawned on me that I'm really happy. I'm a happy little chickadee. Granted, I'm all moody because of my leg but that's a temporary surface sadness. It doesn't permeate the innate feeling of well being that I have internally and all the time. Somehow I'm just as happy working as I am not working and I'm happy when I live in an apartment as well as when I live in a house and this is not a new thing for me. I remember being happy as a little lark when I lived in a trailer as a child and felt the same happiness when we moved to a house. I don't ever remember being unhappy with life or wanting for more in order to be happier.

WHat has brought this rant on, you may be asking. Well a memory surfaced the other day. In the 90's I worked briefly in as a clerk in a union run factory. The men worked their butts off. They rarely took time off to be with family. Their lives revolved around the union and the contract and how much they could save back for retirement. They had big send offs for the men who were retiring. The guy would sit there, old and haggard looking with a watch and smile. People would sing and eat cake and the guy would say, "It's time to travel."

Here's the rub. The whole time I was thinking, 'Umm...really? This is what all that work was for? You just had neck surgery, 2 heart attacks and your kids are all gone. Travel is really what you worked for all these years and in your condition? THIS is what you wasted your youth on?'

I know this sounds cynical but it that was reality and that's what my head was swimming with at the moment.

How many people are waiting until they retire to begin their lives in the hopes that they will suddenly become happy?

I've listened to my mother in law in painfully deep conversation about how a million dollars at retirement will not be enough because we will need health insurance. I've seen the commercials with senior citizens sitting on the beach in their old age happy as a lark.

I don't understand it.

What am I going to do with aching joints and hardening arteries on a beach? Will I really want to go out in the hot sun to sit in sand? What is the thrill about traveling when one is old and achy? Am I really going to want to walk all over London and France? Umm... Nope!

Today is the day to be happy. Today is the healthiest many of us will ever be. Our family is with us, we can see them everyday in our home and we have warm beds to sleep in while we dream fancy dreams and have food in our tummy. Today is the day for Contentment and happiness. Why dream of tomorrow when it may never come or worse it comes and lets you down big time. Why wait and plan to be happy tomorrow?

Here's a question for you. Why do some people think that happiness will magically come when we travel to far off places to hang out in a community where the locals are dreaming of travelling to far off places like say...America?

What a bummer to work your whole life like a dog only to pay to be miserable in the rain on a crummy vacation to a far off place. Even if it's good weather is it worth the healthy days you spent in the office that could have been spent bonding and laughing with your family?

Happiness is right now. We're here. A bigger home, a stamped passport or thicker linens will not place happiness in our hearts. We have to grab it and hold it wherever we are, no matter our financial status or housing situation. We must live in the moment. Plans are fun. Travel is also a joy but I have to say that when I was in Maui or the Keys or Niagara Falls, I wasn't any happier than I am today or the day before I went. I was just plain old me sitting on the beach wondering if the bugs would stop biting soon.

Work is a necessity but it isn't our life. Our life isn't waiting, it's slipping on by. Better find that joy within ourselves, get out of the retirement fantasy and live while we can or tomorrow we may find ourselves with a nice little bank account and a big hole in the ground being dug just for us.

Hmmm...Happiness today or happiness tomorrow? I've never been much of a gambler.